The Long Road Ahead: C28

Called Out

This novel was posted on cntranslations [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)

Xiao Ning chatted away with Wu Yi in the kitchen all afternoon without realising it. When they returned to the living room, Ye Zixin was already gone and only Shan Haiming was left sitting there watching the television.

Utterly stupefied, and with widened eyes, Xiao Ning sat there listening to the beep of the dial tone.

"Where's Zixin?" Wu Yi asked.

In the end, he also smiled and said, "Alright. Thank you."

"Nope," Shan Haiming replied.

Why would he say that?

N/A

Stealing a chance to look at him, under the undulating street lights and shadows, Shan Haiming watched the pure sincerity that had blossomed on Xiao Ning's face. It was an expression he would only make when he wholeheartedly wanted to persuade someone, his maturity would be long forgotten and all that was left was a look that seemed as though he held his heart out for you to see as he spoke. It was a clumsy and honest kind of sincerity, the kind that made whoever got to witness it unable to help themselves from wanting to smile.

"She and my brother left." Shan Haiming's never lifted from the screen as he replied. "They probably won't be back for dinner tonight."

"You only noticed that just now?" Wu Yi didn't change the topic, saying, "I just changed it. Don't expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here."

"She and my brother left." Shan Haiming's never lifted from the screen as he replied. "They probably won't be back for dinner tonight."

"Nope," Shan Haiming replied.

"Your brother can't compare to you." Xiao Ning gazed at Shan Haiming's side profile.

"Haa." Xiao Ning covered his forehead and let out a long sigh. "It's a long story, and I have no idea what happened to make things end up like this since I clearly told them I had a boyfriend."

"For that day I lost control of my emotions and hit you, sorry." Contrary to his words, Xia Li's tone was frigid.

Wu Yi didn't seem at all surprised by this. "Oh, alright. I'll tell Miss Guo not to make much, but there's going to be a lot of soup, so if all isn't eaten later this evening, you two will have to take some back. Anyhow, has your dad still not come down?"

Shan Haiming listened until the end, then calmly asked, "So do you like this Lu Yan?"

"I've never seen any kind of love that doesn't contain any monopolistic desire or jealousy." Shan Haiming scanned Xiao Ning from head to toe. "I also never saw any relationship where only one person gives with no expectation for something in return. So what is it that you're getting from Lu Yan? Security? Self-satisfaction? Your feelings are really weak too. So as long as you find someone to rely on, you'll be the same way with anyone you switch to and keep at your side."

Not long after, Shan Yisong came downstairs then everyone sat together and ate dinner. The atmosphere was more harmonious than it was at noon, with less artificiality and premeditation. Shan Yisong still did not say much, but he did not look at Xiao Ning sharply.

As expected, there really was a lot of soup left over. Wu Yi used a thermos to store the leftover soup and also added a few packets of noodles. "These noodles are really good, I made them take a special trip to bring them back from the town. Anyhow, it'd be best for you two to cook the noodles with chicken soup tomorrow for breakfast. Do you guys have any vegetables at home?"

"Your brother can't compare to you." Xiao Ning gazed at Shan Haiming's side profile.

Xiao Ning clenched his fists, barely restraining the urge to smash them into Shan Haiming's face. His lips quivered a few times, and without making a sound, he undid his seatbelt, opened the door, and then walked away.

"Anyhow, I don't pick any pets because my schedule isn't fixed. I also have to go on business trips sometimes." Shan Haiming then added, "Living alone is inconvenient, and if I had a pet, I wouldn't be able to take care of it properly, so it's better to not have one to begin with."

"He never left the study." Shan Haiming shot Xiao Ning a glance, and noticing the gaze on him, Shan Haiming raised his brows and asked, "Did he do something?"

This response itself was beyond Xiao Ning's expectations, but more than that, there was something strangely different in Shan Haiming's tone. However, before he could think of what or why it was so, he instinctively changed the subject. "Your mom said that you used to pick up strays and take them back home with you as a kid, but it wasn't easy for you to take care of them there. So why don't you still do it now that you live alone?"

Xiao Ning truly learned a lot about the Shan family's issues, causing him to feel more emotional towards Shan Haiming's experiences and treatment. He struggled to imagine what thoughts went through Shan Haiming's head when facing this ever-present suspicion and set-ups by his own older brother. He did all he could to strip away his interests from Shan Haihong's, and he handled it so well. He also never allowed himself to debase himself as Shan Haihong had wished, this was his ability, but it was not his responsibility.

As a result of this sentence, Shan Haiming laughed. "Everyone has their own life and place, so it's not right to compare someone with another like this."

Noticing his return, Xiaohei took the chance to grab onto his pant leg and climb up, meowed, rubbing itself all over Xiao Ning, before laying down and releasing that purring noise that only felines could.

"She and my brother left." Shan Haiming's never lifted from the screen as he replied. "They probably won't be back for dinner tonight."

"Yes." Xiao Ning rubbed to smooth, cool case of the phone in his hands, then went on to explain the matter regarding Xia Li and Lu Yan. It felt a bit humiliating for him to share that story with another person, but Shan Haiming had already seen an uglier side of him, so it wasn't so difficult for his pride to accept giving this brief narration.

After knocking his finger on the steering wheel more than once, Shan Haiming finally remarked, "It's not my intention to smash the memories you have of your first love, but I honestly believe that it can't really be considered love."

He shouldn't have to suffer through all these troubles, he really shouldn't.

Having no interest in having a prolonged chat with Xia Li, after saying those polite words he wanted to end the call, but he didn't expect Xia Li to then spit, "Xiao Ning, did you deal with Lu Yan's previous lovers like this too? Secretly stirring up trouble for them in the background to serve as a foil for this considerate friend routine of yours?"

An inexplicable impulse then erupted within Xiao Ning. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming or do something for Shan Haiming, but instead, he only shook his head and replied, "No, everything's fine."

"Quit trying to waggle your forked tongue." Xia Li continued to taunt, "I've met more than my fair share of people like you, you're such a white lotus. You've been friends with Lu Yan for so many years, but since you don't have the balls to be with him yourself, you can't let anyone else have him either. Doesn't playing games with people like this hurt your conscience? Look, I'm not going to fall for your tricks, understand?"

Shan Haiming's words, which bordered on derision, had made Xiao Ning's head radiate with a dull ache. He couldn't understand why his own reaction was also so big. It was as if his entire body was pushed into the middle of a vast ocean and there wasn't a place, not even a tile for him to stand on, where he could be safe.

He hadn't done any of those things as Lu Yan's existence to him could only be described as something so beautiful there was no room for him. Besides, he never held any high hopes he would ever become Lu Yan's partner, so Xiao Ning never saw the need to think about these kinds of sexual desires all the more.

Confirming his expression wasn't any different, Shan Haiming threw his attention towards Wu Yi and asked, "Why are there so many trees in the yard?"

He shouldn't have to suffer through all these troubles, he really shouldn't.

Xiao Ning wasn't someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day-to-day life, so only by instinct did he understand that it was not a flattering word.

"Haa." Xiao Ning covered his forehead and let out a long sigh. "It's a long story, and I have no idea what happened to make things end up like this since I clearly told them I had a boyfriend."

Xiao Ning then said in a light voice, "When I was little, he was my only friend. And, naturally, he had a lot of other friends. But after we grew up, the only one who stayed friends with him was just me."

"Where's Zixin?" Wu Yi asked.

As a result of this sentence, Shan Haiming laughed. "Everyone has their own life and place, so it's not right to compare someone with another like this."

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, that he couldn't speak.

Those words were especially hurtful when they came from Shan Haiming's mouth. Xiao Ning opened his tired eyes and took Xiaohei in his arms. "Are you hungry? You want a midnight snack?"

Blankly looking at his phone screen, Xiao Ning then turned to Shan Haiming and asked, "What's a white lotus?"

Xiao Ning couldn't understand why Shan Haiming changed into a different person and seemed to be stuck on this topic, or why he had to push it so far. Expressionless, Xiao Ning glared at Shan Haiming. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

"Nope," Shan Haiming replied.

There was something in those words of his that made Xiao Ning frown a bit, he had no idea what was going on with Xia Li again. So with a sigh, and still maintaining a friendly tone, Xiao Ning replied, "Okay, that's good."

"Your brother can't compare to you." Xiao Ning gazed at Shan Haiming's side profile.

As he continued talking to Shan Haiming about his past with Lu Yan, his voice grew even fainter, it was as if he was afraid of stirring up something.

Why would he say that?

But for what seemed like an eternity, there was only silence from the other end of the line.

So, as a result, they had their care package stuffed with a bundle of veggies.

Those words were especially hurtful when they came from Shan Haiming's mouth. Xiao Ning opened his tired eyes and took Xiaohei in his arms. "Are you hungry? You want a midnight snack?"

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, that he couldn't speak.

Without refuting him immediately, Shan Haiming thought for a while then said, "Really? Platonic? Excuse me, but didn't I just hear you say that you and he were so close your souls crossed and resonated with one another, or was that not what you told me?"

As Wu Yi wrinkled her elegantly shaped brows in deep thought about there being anything she could not think of, Shan Haiming, to the contrary, had already grown impatient and thus said, "We're off. If we have time next weekend we'll be back."

Maybe it was on account of those words being short because they were as light as a feather, so light it seemed as though its end was continually rising.

"Alright, dear." Wu Yi was now again relaxed. "Get going, then, so you guys can get back early."

Still dizzy, Xiao Ning tried to make a distinction. "I-I... for him... is probably more of a platonic love?"

"Me," Shan Haiming stated.

In the end, he also smiled and said, "Alright. Thank you."

Xiao Ning: "..."

Zheng Yan had brought back Shan Haiming's car earlier that afternoon and parked it in the garage, so, at that moment, all they had to do was get in the car and drive off.

"For that day I lost control of my emotions and hit you, sorry." Contrary to his words, Xia Li's tone was frigid.

"Who said you were a white lotus?" Shan Haiming asked.

Crossed souls that resonated with one another? Lu Yan and Xiao Ning's preferences honestly can't be said to have ever overlapped, and couldn't even be bothered to figure out what Xiao Ning liked to eat.

They had again become two people who got along, and after two sets of conversations with both Shan Haiming's mother and father that afternoon, Xiao Ning currently felt delicate.

His voice contained not even the slightest ounce of regret, and Xiao Ning guessed it may have been Lu Yan who told him to call and apologise for the hit. "Oh, that, it's fine. I already understood. You don't need to worry about it, okay? You and Lu Yan are alright, right?"

"To me, it doesn't really seem like you desired him. Did you have wet dreams were you thinking about him? When you had erotic dreams, were the dreams about him? When you touched yourself, were you thinking about him?" Shan Haiming tilted his head and looked at Xiao Ning, suspicion and ill-intentions riddled within his next question, "Have you ever wanted to kiss him?"

N/A

Called Out

"Enough!" Xiao Ning bit his lower lip while his face was drained of colour. "Shan Haiming—shut your mouth!"

Xiao Ning closed his eyes.

The first one to speak was Shan Haiming, "If there's anything you want to ask, just ask."

Those words were like a shard of ice plunging into Xiao Ning's heart: cold and painful.

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

After saying all that, Xia Li hung up.

"Ye Zixin and your brother..." Xiao Ning thought that no matter what Ye Zixin wanted, Shan Haihong seemed brimming with confidence.

The one who called him at that time was, unexpectedly, Xia Li, to which he then went on to answer, "Hello, Xia Li?"

They had again become two people who got along, and after two sets of conversations with both Shan Haiming's mother and father that afternoon, Xiao Ning currently felt delicate.

"Ah, they're..." Shan Haiming thought it over for a moment then continued, "Zixin was never someone who thought independently from the start. So when the pressure from both families and my brother's machinations all add up she will soon figure out who she's together with and who she isn't."

Those words were especially hurtful when they came from Shan Haiming's mouth. Xiao Ning opened his tired eyes and took Xiaohei in his arms. "Are you hungry? You want a midnight snack?"

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won't suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. "Then that's good. Everyone will be happy. You've worked hard."

But for what seemed like an eternity, there was only silence from the other end of the line.

"It looks like my mother told you quite a bit." Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. "The relationship between my brother and me isn't as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused by him refusing to believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. What's more, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, and just left him to believe whatever he wanted."

The one who called him at that time was, unexpectedly, Xia Li, to which he then went on to answer, "Hello, Xia Li?"

Called Out

Still dizzy, Xiao Ning tried to make a distinction. "I-I... for him... is probably more of a platonic love?"

"Your brother can't compare to you." Xiao Ning gazed at Shan Haiming's side profile.

Why would he say that?

Utterly stupefied, and with widened eyes, Xiao Ning sat there listening to the beep of the dial tone.

Nonetheless, it was this bit of feelings he had for Lu Yan that had humbly and joyfully been with him throughout each part of his lonely years. He liked Lu Yan, he even loved him. That kind of care he felt towards him had long been carved into Xiao Ning's character. Even if he no longer feels that way now, it was still the only and most worthwhile glimmer of expectation he has had in his mediocre life.

As a result of this sentence, Shan Haiming laughed. "Everyone has their own life and place, so it's not right to compare someone with another like this."

Being bombarded by this string of questions he had never thought of, made Xiao Ning feel dizzy. "I..."

Xiao Ning wasn't someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day-to-day life, so only by instinct did he understand that it was not a flattering word.

But Xiao Ning then countered, "That right there proves it, he can't compare to you. You've done a great job."

Xiao Ning: "..."

"Was that the person you got into a fight with last time?" Shan Haiming now spoke to Xiao Ning in a different tone than before, every sentence contained meaning that was hard to refute, and it was much more friendly. "What's the matter? Did you steal someone's boyfriend or something?"

Should I focus on the odd points or just emphasize the essential ones? Smiling bitterly, Xiao Ning thought about it for a long time, long enough for them to have made it back to the apartment and to have parked below the building.

As a result, Shan Haiming smiled, saying, "You've done a pretty good job yourself."

"She and my brother left." Shan Haiming's never lifted from the screen as he replied. "They probably won't be back for dinner tonight."

Without a doubt, Xiao Ning was a cowardly person, and it was something he had always known. He was also extremely realistic and timid. He never thought to fight for the sake of his feelings, choosing to only guard his unrequited love as he alone watched it fluctuate from joy to sorrow, to flourish and whither, from the very beginning until its eventual end.

The first one to speak was Shan Haiming, "If there's anything you want to ask, just ask."

Being bombarded by this string of questions he had never thought of, made Xiao Ning feel dizzy. "I..."

Shan Haiming ignored the ugly expression on Xiao Ning's face, directly giving his reply, "I don't think you being like this was mostly because Lu Yan was the man you desired, but more like a pure fantasy on your part. What's more, the person in this fantasy you've concocted isn't even really Lu Yan."

"Alright, dear." Wu Yi was now again relaxed. "Get going, then, so you guys can get back early."

"Nope," Shan Haiming replied.

"What's wrong?" Shan Haiming asked from beside him.

Shan Haiming, following his lead, replied, "Didn't I pick up you?"

"Enough!" Xiao Ning bit his lower lip while his face was drained of colour. "Shan Haiming—shut your mouth!"

"Me," Shan Haiming stated.

Xia Li almost let out a sharp laugh. "You don't need to worry about Lu Yan and me, we're going to be together for a long, long time."

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, that he couldn't speak.

Xiao Ning wasn't someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day-to-day life, so only by instinct did he understand that it was not a flattering word.

Rubbing his forehead, Xiao Ning calmed down. Shan Haiming seemed certain Xiao Ning would tell him given that he neither urged him nor deliberately broached the topic.

After saying all that, Xia Li hung up.

Zheng Yan had brought back Shan Haiming's car earlier that afternoon and parked it in the garage, so, at that moment, all they had to do was get in the car and drive off.

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

The one who called him at that time was, unexpectedly, Xia Li, to which he then went on to answer, "Hello, Xia Li?"

Shan Haiming blinked, then narrowed his eyes slightly. "But can you refute me, though?"

But for what seemed like an eternity, there was only silence from the other end of the line.

"Who said you were a white lotus?" Shan Haiming asked.

Xiao Ning: "..."

Xiao Ning felt that something was strange, so he again asked, "Xia Li? Is something wrong?"